Communication Is Key

You know why  I killed him? He didn’t call when I told him to come in.  

John Gotti

When we communicate we do more than exchange information. Communication also provides an opportunity to acknowledge the contribution others make to our well being. When we make the time and effort to call, email or send a card, we let others know we value the relationship we have with them.

Sincere face-to-face communication, open and accepting, is especially valued by some, since it is less likely to leave a messy paper trail or end up marked as “People’s exhibit 12.”

Van Morrison once said that if you didn’t hear from him, it just meant he didn’t call. Philosopher and therapist Paul Watzlawick took a different position. He believed we cannot not communicate and failing to communicate is in itself a statement on the status of a relationship. Mr. Gotti, a successful plumbing supply salesman from Queens, seemed to concur when he expressed his disappointment that a colleague had failed to take the time to get in touch.

If fact, there are those who contend Mr. Gotti later reached out to the person in question and expressed his disappointment in a manner that was clear, concise and for which there is no emoji.

Wiseguy Wisdom is a guide to personal growth based on books, movies and government tapes.

Our Actions Reveal Our Character

If nobody sees it, it didn’t happen.   James “Whitey” Bulger

Whitey Bulger rose to prominence in South Boston’s criminal underworld, at least in part, by providing the FBI with information it used to dismantle his competition--Boston’s faction of the Patriarca crime family. Since crime abhors a vacuum, this created an opportunity for him to expand his illegal activities--what a coinkydink.

In the movie “Black Mass”  Whitey is portrayed as a sort of disciple of the famed philosopher Bishop Berkeley. Berkeley proposed that objects of sense exist only when perceived. He is credited, some say erroneously, with posing the question, “If a tree gets whacked in the forest for talking to the feds, but nobody sees it, did it really happen?” When asked, the oak trees said they didn’t know anything while the pines, predictably, said yes and asked for part of the dead tree’s bookmaking territory.

Martha Davis, the singer for The Motels, once said,  “If you’re gonna sell out, make sure they’re buying.” In Bulger’s case the FBI bought every bit of what he had to offer. However, as far as Whitey was concerned, he wasn’t selling anyone out. He was just sharing information. In fact, in an act of intellectual  gymnastics that would make a Jesuit proud, Whitey claimed that since no one witnessed his information sharing, it never happened.

It’s long been said our character is revealed by what we do when nobody's watching. In Bulger’s case, by discouraging anyone from watching what he was doing he was able to become Boston’s most infamous desperado--and stay out of prison for a very long time.

And, for the record, he didn’t know anything about any dead tree. Really.

Wiseguy Wisdom is a guide to personal growth based on books, movies and government tapes.

When We Give, We Receive

You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.

Al Capone

It’s said that Napoleon believed there are only two forces that unite men--fear and self interest. Much like introducing the reluctant mule to the two-by-four, it’s crucial to let others know you have their best interests at heart.

For instance, long-term success in business often results from building a mutually beneficial relationship with the customer. A good salesman doesn’t want to sell you a hot television. He wants to loan you the money--at a weekly rate that would make a stripper blush--so you can buy the television, a vibrating recliner and a chrome and glass entertainment center that just fell off the back of someone’s truck.

A veteran sports actuary by the name of Bob Martin referred to this approach to relationship building as taking someone to the cleaners one shirt at a time. The key is getting and keeping your audience’s attention. Whether you rely on ballyhoo or viral buzz, a free lunch or a threatening gesture, people won’t beat a path to your door until they know what’s good for them. Capone, as the comment attributed to him suggests, was an expert at letting his customers know what was good for them.

Wiseguy Wisdom is a guide to personal growth based on books, movies and government tapes.

Life Is A Series Of Negotiations

Those who want respect, give respect.     Anthony Soprano

It’s been said that children are the perfect negotiators. They can ask for something without getting embarrassed, they often read us better than we read ourselves and they don’t give up. Just imagine if they carried a lead pipe and a piece.

Adults, however, are often at a disadvantage because they have learned there can be consequences to their desires. It’s what James Baldwin called the price of the ticket. It’s also part of what St. Teresa of Avila meant when she cautioned that more tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered prayers. It turns out there’s no money for nothin’ and the checks aren’t free.

Mr. Soprano, a waste management executive from New Jersey, reminds us that when we want respect we have to be prepared to pay in kind. Think of it as a sort of social and spiritual vigorish we pay on every bet we make.

Wiseguy Wisdom is a guide to personal growth based on books, movies and government tapes.

The Journey Is The Destination

“Maybe he took a little trip.”  Anthony “Tony Jack” Giacalone

When we embrace our personal journey as a destination in itself many believe it is easier to remain alert to what is going on around us and to live in the moment. This is what William Burroughs characterized as “the naked lunch”--the instant when we can truly see what is dangling at the end of the fork.

Burroughs was also of the opinion that while it is not important to live, it is important to travel. Mr. Giacalone, who is said to have arranged a number of excursions to uncharted lands, might agree. In this case, “Tony Jack” was speculating on the whereabouts of one James Hoffa. It is rumored that Giacalone was one of the last people to see him alive.

Hoffa, a one-time giant of organized labor, disappeared under a cloud of suspicion stemming from his involvement in making the cash in the Teamsters retirement fund available to a select group of Las Vegas-based investors. Sort of a not so mutual fund.

No one has seen, heard, smelled or conversed with Mr. Hoffa in many years. Some say he is either playing snooker with Ambrose Bierce and D.B. Cooper or is in a witness protection program under Giants Stadium. Either way, it make one question the wisdom of relying on a travel agent who specialized in one-way tickets.

Wiseguy Wisdom is a guide to personal growth based on books, movies and government tapes.